


Letters To You

by orpheous87



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Childhood Memories, Drarropoly: Founders Edition - A Drarry Game/Fest, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Epistolary, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:02:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28394334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orpheous87/pseuds/orpheous87
Summary: Draco, during house arrest, reaches out to Harry via letter not expecting a response. What he gets turns into a lifeline.Written for Drarropoly '20: Founders Edition and the prompt: Feuds and romances can thrive with correspondence.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 127
Collections: Drarropoly '20: Founders Edition





	Letters To You

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to chellamour for betaing ❤️
> 
> The letters take place over a number of weeks. Letters separated by a single * are in the same time period. *** represents a longer passage of time.

_Potter,_

_Please know that I am writing this as part of the rehabilitation program imposed on me by the Ministry. They are of the opinion that in order to move on with my life after the last couple of years, I need to ‘make things right’ with anyone I’ve wronged. It’s a long list._

_I thought I’d start with you because our history goes back the furthest. From the moment you refused my offer of friendship on the train. I offered you my hand, but you didn’t take it. I’ll be honest, I was told to try and make friends with you by my father. After you defeated You-Know-Who as a baby, my father and some of his friends weren’t sure if you were some sort of Dark wizard too. But that moment on the train, when you chose Weasley over me, it was obvious that you couldn’t be a Dark wizard. No Dark wizard would be friends with a Weasley. I should have walked away and never had anything more to do with you. But I couldn’t. That rejection embarrassed me. My father had given me the expectation that you and I could be friends. That you would need me. Finding out that you didn’t, in fact, need me was hard to take. I had to make you regret your choice._

_Well. That’s what I thought I was doing, anyway. I was probably just annoying you. I couldn’t let it go, though. I was the heir of a prominent pure-blood family and you? You were an orphan that had grown up with Muggles. Why wouldn’t you want to be friends with me? I could teach you everything you needed to know about the wizarding world, and you’d never need to worry about being alone. I had a built-in group of friends that would have been your friends too. Even built-in bodyguards. They were useful sometimes._

_I couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t want any of that. Your family were well-known. They were powerful. You could have been one of the greatest wizards that the world had ever known, but you just seemed happy to be included in things._

_None of these things are acceptable excuses for the things I did later in life. I know that. But they are reasons for my behaviour as a child of eleven. I stupidly thought that if I annoyed you enough, you’d give in and want to get to know me better and then, maybe, I’d be able to convince you that the pure-blood ways were the way to go. My father had other ideas, of course, but I was unaware of them. It might sound ridiculous, but I was never fully informed of what my father had in mind. Again, this is not justification for my behaviour. I need you to know that I’m not trying to justify anything I did._

_I just wanted to let you know that I understand now why you rejected me. Why you wanted nothing to do with me or my friends. I don’t even blame you. Not now._

_Anyway. I’m not expecting a reply. I’m just following orders._

_Malfoy_

*

**Malfoy,**

**I have to say, your letter was something of a surprise. I’m still not really sure whether you were trying to apologise to me or make me angry. But I thought you deserved a reply, whether you wanted one or not.**

**I should tell you the reason I didn’t accept your offer of friendship. The real reason, because the one you’ve come up with is probably a million miles away. We met for the first time in Madam Malkins, do you remember? The way you spoke to me about Hogwarts just reminded me of my cousin. My cousin, who was a spoiled brat that took pleasure in making my life a misery at every opportunity. I was afraid to mention the fact that I knew nothing about Hogwarts or the wizarding world because one of the first things you said was that you didn’t think Muggleborns should be allowed to go to Hogwarts when they’d grown up without knowing anything until they received their letter. I knew that if I told you I’d been one of those children, you’d have ridiculed me right there and then. I got enough of that at home. I wasn’t going to give a stranger the chance to do it.**

**You’d told me you knew you’d be in Slytherin and that you’d leave if you were put in Hufflepuff. I know now why you said that, of course. I can imagine your father would have been mortified if you’d ended up in Hufflepuff, given your family history. I couldn’t tell you which house I hoped to be in, but then it didn’t matter because you saw Hagrid outside. Then you insulted him. Called him a ‘kind of savage’ if I remember rightly. That kind of thing would be exactly the kind of judgement my cousin would have made. I was pleased when I could leave the shop before you because it meant I didn’t need to give you an answer.**

**When I met Ron and his family, they didn’t immediately judge me on the fact that I didn’t know how to get onto the platform. They helped me. Would you have done that? I don’t suppose you would have. I had a carriage to myself on the train, but Ron asked if he could join me as there was no room anywhere else. I wanted to repay his kindness so I agreed. When he realised who I was, it wasn’t a big deal to him. As far as I could tell, he didn’t care that I’d somehow defeated the worst wizard in the world as a tiny baby, and he didn’t mind me asking questions.**

**He told me about the houses at Hogwarts, and this is the reason I didn’t accept your offer of friendship on the train. He told me that there wasn’t a witch or wizard gone bad who hadn’t been in Slytherin. I was eleven years old. I assumed that meant all members of Slytherin were bad people. I didn’t want to become a bad person. I thought that if I accepted your offer of friendship, I’d end up being placed in Slytherin too and then end up becoming a bad person. Obviously, I know now that that’s a silly theory to have. When I was being sorted, the Sorting Hat said I could be great in Slytherin. I begged it not to put me there and it obliged.**

**So, you see, my reason for rejecting your offer of friendship was nothing to do with you really. It was my own prejudice against Slytherin that played a large part in it and your attitude was secondary to that. If Ron hadn’t told me what he did before you turned up, who knows, I might have shaken your hand. I don’t know.**

**I hope we’re both a bit more informed now.**

**Potter**

*

_Potter,_

_Thank you for replying. I truly didn’t expect you to take the time._

_I wasn’t trying to anger you with my first letter. I suppose it was just a rather clumsy attempt at explaining a few things. I am under house arrest as you know, and have been since we left Hogwarts. The Ministry sends people over every so often to check on us, and to make sure that we haven’t slipped back into the old ways. Not that there’s any danger of that happening with Father in Azkaban._

_The officials mostly just check in and leave straight away, but occasionally they like to talk to us about what we went through. I suppose they think it will help, and in a way, I suppose it does. I do usually feel lighter, somehow, after talking to them. It was one of them that suggested writing letters. I thought that it was a stupid idea at first. Receiving your letter changed my mind a bit._

_I would never have dreamed of speaking to you like this face to face, but on paper, it is somehow easier. I am ashamed that I let my father influence my behaviour to such a degree. I now know that I lived what one would call a sheltered life prior to the war. I only moved in pure-blood social circles, only learned what my father deemed to be important, and only heard people talking about Muggleborns in a derogatory way. Even my governess didn’t speak about them in a complimentary manner; in fact, I assume that was the reason she was hired. While she never specifically said anything bad, she never said anything nice either, and she certainly didn’t attempt to correct my father. Having grown up like that, getting to Hogwarts where everyone was treated as an equal was something of a shock to my system._

_Anything I said during my years at Hogwarts had been heavily influenced by my home life up to the age of eleven. But by the time I was fifteen and going into sixth year, I was starting to think that maybe my father’s ideas weren’t right after all. I didn’t know how to stop, though. I couldn’t see a way out. That’s why I went through with it all. I hated doing it, but at the same time, I was terrified that if I didn’t do it, I’d be killed or my family would be killed. I didn’t want to die. I would never have had the courage to do what you did._

_I might not have shown it during the battle, but I was desperately hoping that you would win. I tried to do enough in the battle to appear that I was still on their side but without doing any damage to anyone on your side. I probably made a right mess of it. I mean, I know I did. Weasley might not have punched me if I’d done a better job._

_I don’t suppose you would have expected this, but I want to apologise for the things I did. I don’t expect you to accept the apology. I know it’s a bit vague, but I didn’t know where to begin so I thought I’d just apologise for everything at once._

_I’m rambling. Potter, you make me ramble. Probably because you’re not actually here to tell me to shut up. And, by the way, you’re definitely not a Slytherin._

_Sorry. For taking up your time with this ridiculous letter, I mean._

_Malfoy_

*

**Malfoy,**

**Don’t apologise for your letter. It’s not taking up my time. Well, I suppose it is, but not in a bad way. It’s hard being under house arrest. Not that I’ve ever been under house arrest like you are, but I have had some experience of something similar. My aunt and uncle used to lock me in my bedroom and give me food through the catflap. They installed it specially. We didn’t have a cat. Between first and second year, my uncle even installed bars on my window so that Hedwig couldn’t get out. I don’t suppose that you’ve got bars on your window, but if you’re not allowed to leave at all, it sounds much the same as my experience.**

**How is your mother coping without your father? How are you coping? This might be a silly question, but are you upset by it? Having him go to prison, I mean. After everything he did, everything he made you do? I know he’s still your father. It’s alright if you’re angry that he didn’t escape prison like you and your mum.**

**I couldn’t testify for him. Not like I could for you or your mum. It just wasn’t something that I could do, and I completely understand if you hate me for it. It’s a strange thing, I suppose, to be partially responsible for someone going to prison but I can honestly say that I wouldn’t change what I did. If you don’t want to write to me anymore, I get it. But I can’t change how I feel about what your father and his friends put me through.**

**You, though… I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for anything you did, not really. I did, at one point, but not now. Now I’d like to think that I understand why you did what you did. I can never condone it, but I can look at it objectively now, and I can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same if I’d been in your shoes. I think, perhaps, if my aunt and uncle had actually been nice to me and treated me the same as they treated Dudley, I might have turned out differently. Because they were so horrible to me all the time, I didn’t want to be like them. If something was completely different to them, I automatically liked it. Or did it, if that makes sense. They were horrified by magic in general. I would have loved it anyway, but that made it even better.**

**I was so happy to finally have a reason for the weird things that happened to me but at the same time, after meeting you and hearing you speak the way you did, I was convinced that as soon as I stepped foot into Hogwarts, I’d be sent straight back to the Dursleys as a fraud because I didn’t know anything about anything. I don’t know what that would have meant for the wizarding world in general. Or for the Muggle world, come to think of it. I suppose Voldemort (sorry) would have found me regardless.**

**I don’t regret saving you in the Room of Requirement, even if you were doing all you could to appear to be on their side. I always thought you were on their side, but I would never have been able to leave you in that room. Never. Everyone is worth saving.**

**You’re right. Your apology was unexpected, but it is appreciated, nonetheless. I do believe that you’re sorry for the things you’ve done. I don’t think that you fully appreciated what it was that you were signing up for by getting involved with the things your father was involved with. But I get why you wanted to be involved with them. It was the same reason I wanted to get involved with the Order. At the end of the day, I suppose we were both just boys who wanted to be like our dads.**

**I don’t know what the terms of your house arrest are but, if you like, I could visit. It would be nice to talk things through in person, don’t you think?**

**Potter**

*

_Potter,_

_I’m a bit overwhelmed after your last letter, I must confess. It never crossed my mind that you would ask to visit. Please, don’t feel any obligation to do so, but rest assured the terms of my house arrest do not forbid visitors. There just may be a Ministry official there to greet anyone who does turn up to ensure they’re not risky, although I suppose they’d take one look at you and just let you in. Saviour of the world, and all that._

_Sorry, that sounded bitter. I’m not. It was leftover from our school days. I will always be grateful to you for saving my sorry backside from the Fiendfyre. I might not have shown it at the time._

_To answer your question, no. I’m not particularly upset by my father’s incarceration. Not like I was when it happened at the end of fifth year. I do apologise for breaking your nose on the train, but I hope you understand how angry I was at the time. In my mind, my father hadn’t done anything wrong and you were completely to blame for him being locked up. Looking back now, I see it differently, but I can’t change what happened then. This time, I can admit that this was no-one’s fault but his own. Mother, I think, shares my opinion. She’d changed her mind about You-Know-Who a long time before my father did. Of course, she’d rather have him at home with her, especially as she can’t go and visit him, but I’m sure she thinks that it’s what he needs to reevaluate his beliefs. Being in the Great Hall after the battle while you were all grieving was a very sobering moment._

_We weren’t even sure whether we should be there. We were lucky enough to have each other and to all be alive, but over on your side of the room there were so many people who hadn’t survived and seeing that really brought it home that it could have been Mother and I mourning my father, or my mother and father mourning me and it… it was just too real. I never want to experience that feeling again. I’m sorry if bringing this up is upsetting for you. I know you lost a lot of people you were close to._

_I’m rambling again. Goodbye for now._

_Malfoy_

*

**Malfoy,**

**I don’t think I have ever said this before, but it was nice to see you today. You looked well. Better than I thought you might (no offence).**

**I wasn’t sure what to expect when I turned up on the doorstep. I definitely didn’t expect you to answer the door yourself (I thought you had house-elves) and I didn’t expect you to make me a cup of tea (which was lovely, by the way).**

**I’m sorry if my presence upset your mum. She looked quite shocked to see me. Perhaps I should have warned you that I was definitely going to visit. I hope it was okay that I turned up.**

**It occurred to me after I got there that I should have brought your wand with me. I should have returned it to you a long time ago. I’ll bring it next time. I mean, if you want me to visit again?**

**It was nice to be able to talk to you properly after all these years. I think it must have been the first time that’s ever happened without one of us trying to hex the other. The last time I tried to talk to you was in the girls’ toilets, do you remember? I am sorry about that day, you know? For using that spell without knowing what it did. It wasn’t my intention to have a fight with you when I followed you. I thought you were up to something but when I heard you crying I was worried. I know that you probably don’t believe me, but I’d noticed everything else, like you losing weight and the dark circles under your eyes. You weren’t your normal self. I don’t know what I would have done if you’d have actually talked to me that day.**

**Anyway. Sorry, I know we said today that we should try not to talk about our past all the time. It’s just such a big part of who we are to each other. I think it’s important that we do talk about it. It seems easier not to get angry if we’re talking about it through letters if that makes sense?**

**I’ll end this here before I start again.**

**Potter**

*

_Potter,_

_It was a massive surprise when I opened the door to see you there. I hope the Ministry officials were kind to you. I forgot to ask at the time._

_We no longer have any house-elves. I set them free when You-Know-Who moved in. They wouldn’t have been safe in the house with him there. I asked them not to say anything about what was happening at the Manor, but I don’t actually know what became of them. I hope they found somewhere nice to live. Father didn’t know I’d done it, but Mother did. She agreed with me that they would be better off leaving. I suppose there was a risk that they’d tell someone about Father’s association with You-Know-Who, but by that point, I don’t suppose it really mattered. The Ministry was already on its way to being infiltrated._

_I’ve been learning a lot about the kitchen during my house arrest. Tea making is just the start of it, let me assure you. Next time you visit, come for lunch. I can make a passable omelette. Or if you come for dinner, I’ve learned how to cook steak really well._

_Mother was fine. I think she was shocked, just as I was, but she didn’t say anything negative. I actually think she was quite pleased that I had some actual company. None of my friends from school have made it past the Ministry officials when they’ve tried to visit. Needless to say, both Mother and I want things to be different when we’re finally free, so having you visit is more than we could have hoped for. I think she would like to talk to you next time._

_It would be nice to have my wand back. The one I used when I returned to Hogwarts was alright, but it wasn’t mine, you know?_

_I can’t say that you don’t need to apologise for what happened in that toilet. You did nearly kill me after all. But I understand that you didn’t mean for it to happen. I suppose I didn’t give you much of a choice when I attacked first. I didn’t even know for sure it was you at first. I just didn’t like the thought that someone had heard me at my most vulnerable. It was bad enough that I’d ended up confiding in Myrtle. She was very kind to me though. If I’d thought that you’d noticed I wasn’t coping, I would have been mortified. Now, I wish I’d known. I wish I’d had the courage to speak to you when you confronted me, instead of attacking you. I spent that whole year terrified._

_Yes, it makes sense. Writing it down doesn’t result in me feeling angry either, and I think you’re right. It is important that we talk about it._

_Thank you for visiting. I hope you’ll come again._

_Malfoy_

*

**Malfoy,**

**You weren’t lying when you said you can cook steak well. The one you cooked for me last night was fantastic. In fact, I might even go as far as to say it was the best I’ve had. But to be sure, I should probably try another one.**

**It was nice to see your mum, too, even if it was only for a short while. I was pleased to get the opportunity to speak to her. I owe her a lot as I’m sure you’re aware.**

**I’ll see you again soon, I hope.**

**Potter ******

********

*

_Potter,_

_You flatter me. If you could see me as I’m writing this, I am the colour of a tomato. But I am glad you enjoyed it. I would be more than happy to cook for you again. You can bring dessert next time._

_Mother did tell me, yes. I’m glad that you two got the opportunity to speak. Mother seemed happier than she has been after you’d left._

_After consulting my very busy schedule (ha!), it appears that I am free most days. How does next Tuesday sound?_

_Malfoy_

***

**Malfoy**

**Can you believe that we’ve been writing to each other for months now? Or that we’re still writing to each other when I’ve been visiting you twice a week for the last few?**

**If anyone had told me at the start of the year that you and I would be pen-pals, let alone friends, I would never have believed them. But I’m glad you sent that first letter. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you over the last few months. I’ve enjoyed my visits even more (especially since you learned to make treacle tart).**

**You’ll be free at the end of next week. Just in time for Christmas. I’ll understand if you don’t want to exchange letters anymore, but I need to say this. I need to say it here because I don’t think I’ve got the courage to say it to your face (I know, I know, this makes me a rubbish Gryffindor, don’t rub it in). I’ve always known that I’m not strictly straight. Well, I say always, I mean since I realised that I found people attractive. You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you this. Don’t worry. I didn’t fancy you at school. But I wasn’t blind. You’ve never been ugly. There’s always been something about you.**

**In these last few months, since I’ve been visiting you, I’ve noticed more about you than I’ve ever noticed before. Like your smile. And your laugh. And how your eyes light up when you’re talking about something you’re really passionate about. I think it really hit me last night when you were telling me about the new recipes you were trying out. I realise we haven’t discussed this yet, but if there’s any chance that you feel the same, well… let me know.**

**Potter**

*

_Potter,_

_I must confess that your last letter rendered me speechless. Not in a bad way, let me assure you._

_No, I didn’t imagine that you and I would be writing to each other for months. Or that you would be visiting me multiple times a week. But I have also enjoyed getting to know you._

_I think it is time for another confession from me. I’ve never been straight. I know how it must have looked to others when Pansy was all over me, but I quite liked that. It made it easier to avoid relationships all together than risk being outed, or rejected by someone. Of course, I didn’t quite picture my life turning out the way it has. But, I will say this: there’s always been something about you too. I suppose that might have been part of the reason I was always trying to get your attention._

_You have, once again, made me blush as I write. Once I’m free, I would really like it if we could go out somewhere together. Not just as friends, I mean._

_Malfoy_

***

**Draco,**

**(I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that, you know)**

**Don’t be late home tonight. I’ve got plans for you.**

**Harry**

**P.S. I love you**

*

_Harry,_

_As much as I enjoyed last night, I am having trouble standing at my cooker today. My thighs haven’t burned this badly since, well, last week._

_Hope you’re ready for round 2 tonight._

_Draco_

_P.S. Love you too_


End file.
